:'(

i'll pretend that everything is okay, i'll ignore thr hurt i feel like i always do everyday of my life. i'll just  pray to god and hope that these pain will stop and go away. stop hurting me, i iust cant take it anymore. like a cancer inside that keeps ob growing and killing me inside i feel myself wither away. please,please, make me happy and make me want to stay. make me believe that i too could be happy like the rest of u.

lets fall into life

   Ilet my fate fall from his grace, as i take one step ahead i look back and see how far i've come to where i stand. Mashallah, jauhnya.. once i was so small and tiny and so fragile, sekarang? lari-lari, lompat-lompat. memanglah kan masa kecik dulu macam-macam cita-cita, nak jadi fashion designer, choreographer, theater director, journalist.. tapi last-last 1 pon tak lekat, kenapa? sebab mungkin berangan ni jauh lebih best dari kita buat benda tu. everything is fun when its a hobby, but when it turns into a job, its sucks! kan? dulu konon nak jadi director, scriptwriter but then again banyak benda susah jadi on the way seolah-olah Allah taknak aku pergi ke arah tu. tambah-tambah bila dah dekat nak grad. samalah masa aku masih dengan mr. S dulu, makin dekat ngan dia, dah kenal family  semua tapi makin banyak masalah sehinggalah aku istikharah dan sesungguhnya Allah ytunjuk jalan lain bagi aku, and Alhamdulillah aku sekarang happy dan insyallah akan d  ijab kabulkan tahun hadapan. dan to mr. S, no hard feelings I know u'r happy too and I pray foe the best for both of you, its just some people yang menjatuhkan my maruah in your circle of friends that i could not accept. Anyway, aku pon rasa yang that course is not meant as a career for me, plus banyak dosa datang dari that field anyway. since aku ambik that coursr it turned me into a loner and depressed person from the old and bubbly me who used to talk alot, sometimes i wonder where the old me is but i guess that period of time gave me time to become a more mature person(sikitlah). So, the me that decided to change my life course came from the me that observed myself for a long time and also the help of many too. I think the old me would surface again and i'll smile and talk more like i used to. pray for my best please, and i'll always pray for u.. i never forget all my muslim brothers and sisters in my bprayers, may Allah bless us with his wisdom and continue to help us through the way until the day we would have to leave this beautiful world. until the next time.

Assalamualaikum,

Ave Whitlock

One Step at A Time

uhuh... Dah berbulan berabad berkurun lamanyaaaa aku bertanam anggur yang tak lagi berbunga-bunga akhirnya aku memutuskan untuk tebas and tanam benda lain lak.. eheh.. apakah? tak berkaitan sebenarnya ngan apa yang ingin di usulkan di sini. Okay ceritanyalah aku nak cerita ni bukanlah pasal anggur mahupon tanaman lain yang sewaktu dengannya. cerita yang ingin d ceritakan sebenarnya pasal latest complication aku. Kalau orang-orang yang rapat dengan aku mesti tau cerita ni so tak perlulah aku huraikan dengan panjang lebar tapi terus kepada penyelesaian masalahnya. So aku berhenti kolej atas certain reasons, berhenti ye bukan d berhentikan jangan tertukar lak! so setelah pening kepala pusing sana sini, tengok website bagai aku pon memutuskan untuk short list a few universities with a few programmes in mind. Ramai yang tahu sebelum ni aku merupakan seorang art student d sebuah universiti swasta yang tak perlu lagi aku namakan kat sini, tapi setelah pelbagai rintangan dan halangan aku lalui akhirya!! d saat-saat akhir d penghujung rinduku ini(last sem) aku undur diri, and bila pikir-pikir pasal course yang aku ambik sekarang macam kurang sesuai bagi seorang perempuan aku bukan downgrade perempuan tak boleh buat semua ni kay? aku pon support women rights semua tu, tapi bagi aku kurang sesuai. Kenapa aku cakap tak sesuai? faktor-faktornya adalah seperti berikut :

1) Kerjanya berat
    
    Come on tipulah semua perempuan boleh tahan ngan kerja berat semua ni. memanglah orang cakap "eh jadi director mana ada buat kerja berat!", ye ke? kerja shoot sampai lewat malam balik pukul 2-3 pagi then pukul 6 dah nak start shoot lain lak tak ke berat tu. bukan berat fizikal tapi mental! selain tu kalau kerja bidang ni kena mula dari bawah, mana ada orang terus cakap "wah! anda berbakat besar. nah ambik duit saya and buat filem paling gempak kat malaysia ni!" memang taklah, bodoh ke apa producer tu. So, apa- apa pon kenalah mula dari bawah dari angkat-angkat lampu sampailah runner beli kopi. tahan tak? tahan tak? tak tahan kan jadi kuli?

2) Gaji rendah

    Orang kerja production ni memanglah nampak cam glam, sama gak ngan orang kerja sebagai reporter. kau hengat gaji tinggi? pernah ada orang cakap ngan aku, and benda ni tak pernah luput dari otak aku sampai sekarang "orang kerja jadi wartawan ni adalah orang kerja glamour yang paling rendah hastanya" haaa... apa itu? maksudnya memang nampak glam semua tapi gaji sikit broooo!! tulis article cari story sampai nak patah tulang blakang haaa.. selagi tak siap story tak boleh balik, pergi sana sini, takda life weyh. sedih. tapi nampak glamourlah, pergi launching perfume YSL baru. pergi fashion week lah itulah inilah. tapi berbaloi ke semua tu ngan gaji yang nak di gunakan untuk sara hidup? haaa.. kau pikirlah sendiri.

3) Mulut macam tuuuuuuuttt

     eh? apakah? apakah itu? bunyi tuuuuut tu adalah cencored kerana takut ada budak-budak bawah umur ehehehe.. gurau-gurau, sebenarnya nak cakap yang orang media ni mulut manis tapi kadang-kadang diorang nilah paling kurang ajar. tak sedar diri, sebab itulah certain artist macam sombong ngan diorang bukan sebab diorang saje je nak sombong tapi golongan media ni sendiri tak sedar diri cakap ikot sedap je. so kalau anda mampu bertahan dalam golongan tipu menipu, tikam menikam, and carut mencarut silakanlah saya taknak tambah dosa.

4) Dosa tanpa sedar

    haaa.. kerja ni sebenarnya penyumbang dosa yang paling banyak.. kenapa? haa.. sini aku bagitau, kalau kerja buat filem and anda tayangkan filem d wayang and terkena lak waktu-waktu solat and orang yang g tengok serta orang yang pergi tayang serta orang yang jual ticket serta orang-orang yang terlibat kat wayang tu tak solat sebab filem anda d tayangkan anda tanggunglah dosa semua orang tu. kalau pelakon lak tayang aurat... siaplah anda ngan dosa seterusnya sebab selagi orang tengok aurat tu anda berdosa sebab membenarkan benda tu ditayangkan kepada khalayak, memang bukan aurat anda tetapi anda terlibat dalam membenarkan semua tu. cukuplah dua contoh dah dapat tunjuk yang dosa tu senang dapat kan? saya takut, anda bagaimana?

5) Tempat Isteri di sisi suami

    Haaa.. tempat isteri di sisi suami, kalau asyik kerja outstation then kerja sampai lewat malam and tak sempat nak jaga makan minumya semua buat apa kawin kan? Suami pon confirm kawin lain sebab tak tahan. Macam mana lak kalau ada anak? tak dapat perhatianlah dia. Tambahan lak  kalau seorang suami merungut apabila pulang ke rumah isteri tiada untuk menyambut dia and dia nak makan isteri dia tak sediakan sudah jatuh dosa pada isteri tersebut.

Inilah dia reasonsnya, aku rasa macam nak cari benda yang lagi bagus untuk perempuan and cari benda yang boleh buat aku contribute something kat orang. Insyallah kalau ada rezeki aku nak sambung ambik TESL sebab aku takda masalah langsung ajar English sebab aku pon fasih and ok je english. SPM pon dapat A insyallah oklah kot. So aku dah jumpa beberapa Universiti ngan course ni and insyallah kalau di izinkan tuhan bulan January tahun depan aku nak start(kalau dapat). So doakanlah reformasi aku ini berjalan lancar. Post pon dah panjang lebar aku pon dah hilang kata-kata untuk taip and korang pon dah menyampah.

Until The Next Time,

Ave Whitlock

Le People De Le Twitter

huuuu.. dah lama tak nge-update blog, so hari ni nak nge-update skit.. OK akhir-akhir ni aku ni sedikit kemalasan ntok online kat PC terutamanya sebab lappy rosak so kena pinjam sang suami punya(sedih) so semua update and email checking ect. berlaku dalam phone. and bila online by phone means less facebooking and more tweetering occurs, kadang-kadang terasa yang twitter ni di salah guna sikitlah. Like facebook people like to post things that attract attention making them look ohhhh sooo coooolll and what not, tapi seriously you just cant even try to look more desperate craaaaving for attention. dekat twitter ni ada bermacam-macam perangailah, so aku akan listkan dari perspektif yang ada dalam twitter ku...

1) The "SAYA HANYA BUAT BENDA BAIK"
    
     hokay golongan ni aku tengok in real life takdelah secantik seindah khabar pada twitter update masing-masing. bukan aku tak suka tengok orang buat benda baik but if posting benda tu kadang-kadang it looks absolutely normal but 24/7? come on!!!! your not a 2D character you must have flaws to right? setiap detik dan saat dia bercerita benda baik yang dia buat, peliknya aku tengok in real life takda pon? mana semua khabar-khabar indah? if you wanna tell everyone about it, you might as well do it than waste your time online. Just saying.

2) The "SAYA SORANG JE ADA GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND KAT DUNIA NI"

     Ini lak satu species manusia di mana kalau post tweet mesti nak post se-sweet yang mungkin, bukanlah aku nak judge aku pon ada gak orang-orang yang dikasihi tapi janganlah obvious sangat nak tunjuk kat semua orang bukti cinta agong tu, twitter ni memanglah tempat untuk "freedom of speech" dan "freedom of expression" but some expressions are better left private. Tak semua orang nak tau semua pasal relationship korang so lets keep it personal. Lebih baik tweet pasal kasih and rindu korang pada parents and family, tak pon kat sejadah. dah brapa lama tak sujud asyik pergi dating? lets look back and try change that.

3) The "TWITTER NI TEMPAT AKU NAK MENCARUT SESUKA HATI"

    Orang macam ni pon kadang-kadang aku rasa macam nak terajang je, dia ingat mak bapak dia punya twitter kot? ke dia ingat private diary kot? apa pon please people, orang bukan nak baca carut marut je 24/7 kalau kadang-kadang aku faham macam tadi aku cakap twitter ni tempat "freedom of speech" kan?? so kadang-kadang termarah tu boleh terima kot? aku pon ada time tercarut (eheee... sorry) kat twitter tu. So, less carut more life stuff. kapish?

4) The "SARCASM ADALAH BENDA PALING BEST KAT DUNIA"

    kerja nak jadi sarcastic jeee... or dalam bahasa melayu tu nak perli je 24 jam. perli jiran sebelah, "parking tu kalau boleh silalah kat dalam rumah aku terus, lagi aku suka", ada gak yang perli cikgu, "ye  cikgu saya memang suka pon kerja skolah ni, kalau boleh kerja skolah atok cikgu pon saya nak buatkan", dan lain-lain lagi. uhuuu... sikit-sikit oklah dik, tapi minimalise kan pon bagus kot? jangan terlampau kasar. aku pon kadang-kadang tweet macam ini, tapi beringatlah sikit takot orang lain lak terasa sebab perli ni kan bukan benda direct. kadang-kadang ada orang buat salah kat kita, kita tak tahu bila dah perli orang lain dia yang terasa. benda ni banyak jadi kat aku, sebab aku ni memang orang suka kutuk belakang, yelah.. aku ni bukan banyak cakap pon menulis je laju.. so bila di perli bukan satu terasa kena tembak 4-5 orang yang sakit. sooo... emm.. okay.

5) The "MAIN HASH TAG SAMPAI MAMPOS"

    Ini spesis manusia yang sama macam aku tapi lagi teruk! kadang-kadang kat twitter kan ada trending-trending hash tag terkini and some might capture your interest macam bebaru ni hash tag #SecondarySchoolMemories , aku sukalah habis aku hashtag and tag semua kengkawan pasal memori zaman sekolah, best bbaaaahhh!!!! tapi kengkadang ada gak yang addicted gila ngan hash tag ni sampai each and every post pon nak berhash tag so kengkonon dapat start a new trendlah kot? setiap post mesti ada #. anda tergolong dalam golongan itu ke? teeehheeee...

6) The "AKU NAK MENTION SEMUA MEMBER AKU"

     hehe.. ini aku, suka sangat nak tag kawan-kawan and bersembang. yelah dataplan murah, nak bersms bagai mahal. nak whatsapp pon malas (getis sebenarnya) kat twitter boleh merapu meraban but i have to admit benda ni pon aku nak ubah, yelah nak sembang pergi kedai kopilah buat apa kat twitter tapi memandangkan jauh so maafkanlah aku jika terselalu buat k? hehe

7) The "TWEET SELAGI TAK SAMPAI TWEET LIMIT"

     haaa... ni ramai yang kena, nasib akulah aku tak sebegini lagi setakat ni. kerjanya tweeeeettt je setiap detik dan saat, apa yang nak d achive pon tak tahu. "nak terberaklah", "laparlah", "nak tidolah, goodnigt", "oh, tak jadilah bangun balik". haaa... semua bendalah nak post, kalau mak dia terbersin pon mungkin nak juga d tweet (sorry mak cik). inilah orang gila twitter yang sebenar, kalau twitter boleh bagi dia duit rasanya dah kaya dah dia.

so inilah dia segala orang dalam twitter yang aku jumpa dan mungkin juga aku tergolong dalam group-group tersebut. So renung-renungkan dan selamat beramal.. (eh?) hehe.. sila jangan terasa :)

#UntilNextTime
yours sincerely

@Avewhitlock

The Start has nothing to do with the ending, and the ending has nothing to do with the middle. Just a thought.

Why do I feel like I'm flying through life as if there's no tomorrow?Kadang-kadang rasa macam semua decision yang aku buat ni mungkin salah, tapi at the same time macam the most right thing to do? Ghandi once said that "whatever we do in life would be insignificant, but it is important that we do it". Tapi kalau kita buat benda yang ragu-ragu macam mana pulak? I feel like I'm taking a big step in life, but can it be that the life that I'm choosing would change me completely from who I am? Honestly, I'm scared. I'm scared to change. I'm scared that I'm becoming someone I do not want to be. I feel limited, I feel like I'm heading to a dead end but then i think its just me... I'm still here standing and looking forward and seeing everything going by. Kalau orang lain ada dekat mana yang aku berdiri, agaknya apa yang dia akan buat?

Kadang-kadang rasa macam decision ni salah,maybe aku dah terlepas pandang apa-apa, atau sesapa pon yang membuatkan aku, aku. Tapi selepas setiap doa,tuhan kurniakan aku dengan jalan yang aku sendiri pilih untuk lalui dan aku berdoa lagi dan berjalan lagi, tanpa henti. Sometimes,this becomes tiring.. I'll lay down and think how fast how clumsily how wasteful all these things are, I want more. I crave a better life, a much more peaceful life a much more "ME" life but the world never revolves around you. I see people around me, slowly one by one leaving us forever and I know I will too, but still I'll always say "hold on, I'm still looking for my way" but who am I really to say anything of the sort. I'm scared, will the path I choose complete me, but will I fail again. fail in life, fail in love, fail in everything... I feel so low.

Tonight I sit in a dark room, the little rascals playing in their little den happily. I wonder how it felt to be happy like them freewill and not having any worries, then again I did live that way once when I was a child I guess I dont envy them I just miss it. The me now is different from the "me" back then, older, wiser, stronger, but scared of reality. We hide underneath possibilities, we say it'll be okay but will we be okay? I realize this is not the right way of thinking and this is what makes me scared, this is what is bothering me all this time making me worry about my future why? simply because I cant trust in possibilities, I have to earn that possibility. I've been stabbed in the back, lied to, misjudged and whole lot of other things but I dont want to care anymore because living under those posibilities that run in my little head is giving me a major headache. I'll live the way we're supposed to live. I dont want to think that I "MIGHT" go to heaven, I want to think that I "WILL" go to heaven. everything we want we have to earn. You want to be in gods side you work for it, earn it and that possibility will not be just a fade dream or a hope u keep wishing for. The path I think I chose was right IS right! I realize we're just told that we might get rich if we.... yup another hope, or possibility that isnt earn but yearned for. I'll choose this path right now because I want to be in the path that is right for, the path that I know IS right for me. Insyallah. the strength that he has given me all these years have paid off. I need to say I want not I think I want or I might want or I will want, it should be I want it, now! Those prayers that I pray was because I want it, and those paths and walks I've walked is because I want to. No one forced us to be borned right? no one forced u to take your first step but you did. anyhow, this post is becoming longer and longer. I've poured my heart out,and its a bit "merapu" but at least I feel better, thus the meaning of personal blog.

I'm Ready!
Yours Sincerely,

Ave Whitlock.

Respectlah!

Respect. So apa itu respect sebenarnya? Ramai yang tahu maksudnya macam layan orang dengan beradab n sopan setanding ngan taraf umurnya or just plain hormatkat oranglah kan no matter the age gap ect. Tapi kan? berapa ramai yang sebenarnya betol-betol mengaplikasikan benda ni? Baru-baru ni aku dah bertemu ngan dua situasi di mana aku mendapati perkara dis-respecting people ni terjadi. What I mean is, bila orang itu melakukan kesilapan or is lower than our standard or ranking in life these "people" suka gelak-gelakkan or memerli or ejek orang itu. Its good to speak your mind, tapi perlulah bertapis. Bukankah kita ni orang Asia yang penuh ngan kesopanan n adat resam budaya yang baik? tapi sayang perkara macam ni berlaku. Its  sad for me to see this happening especially depan mata aku sendiri, bukan dari mulut sesapa kay? in front of my very eyes. Contoh situationnye ye?

Situation 1:

Ada sorang mak cik ni terkunci pintu kereta dia secara tak sengaja n kunci serta phone dia pon tertinggal di dalam so she is helpless, takda sesiapa dia boleh call ntok tolong. n of course being the modern person like we all are kita tak ingat no. phone sesiapa. back to the situation, mak cik ni pon mintaklah tolong kat orang berdekatan. try punya try, orang pon tanya "mak cik takda kunci spare ke?", dengan muka tersentak dia seluklah dalam purse, teeeeetttttt!!!! ada pon kan? dengan malunya mak cik ni pon keluarkan n mintak maaf sebab menyusahkan diorg, TETAPI! orang-orang sekeliling, terutama yang suka buat ni perempuan(dengar ni dear sisters) menggelakkan mak cik yang secara humannya lupa itu.

Moral of story 1:

1.Sebelum keluar kereta sila cek semua barang dah ada, terutama kunci!
2. Hormatlah orang, semua orang pernah buat silap n it isnt funny to laugh at other people's mistake. Benda itu memalukan bagi pihak tersebut dan mampu membuatkan orang salah sangka terhadap orang-orang lain yang berada di situ. Orang lain yang gelak orang lain yang kena kan? di sebabkan malu maybe orang tersebut takkan pergi situ dah kan? tak ke menyusahkan pekedai-pekedai di situ n menyusahkan orang tersebut kerana kena g tempat lain.

Situation 2:

Ada sorang mamat ni bekerja sebagai seorang waiter di sebuah restaurant yang agak mahallah kot? Chillies mahal ke? hehe.. back to the story, so mamat ni kerja situ. So ada satu geng kekonon anak orang KAYA! masok n duduk d sebuah meja, mamat tu serve menu n beredar dari situ. So bila dah ready diorang pon panggillah n orderlah, diorang bising-bising lambatkan order main-main, tukar order ini, itu. Dah selesai order mamat tu pon pergilah hantar order tu n buat kerja dialah serve sana sini, and secara tiba-tiba n tak kena! dia tersungkur n tertumpahkan air kat customer berdekatan table tu, so table tu pon gelaklah. Mamat tu tengok ke arah meja tu kebetulan masa dia tengok tu ter-usha sorang minah ni. Minah tu ada boyfriend lak kan? So BF dia ni macam marahlah kan, perempuan tu pon cakap secara lantangnya "eee... itu pon u nak jealous? waiter je kot?", satu table tu pon continue gelak. mamat ni yang malu pon kemas-kemas n blah.

Moral of story 2:

1. Bila kita bawak diri janganlah secara sengaja berlagak-lagak posh sangat, n menunjuk-nunjukkan harta kita, sebab bila buat macam tu takut nanti ada yang dengki and menyampah t tak pasal-pasal kena maki seranah, kan tak best?
2. Bila kita nak order makan, janganlah nak memain kesian orang tu dia tengah bekerja buka nak hadap korang je. So bila ambik menu tu fikir habis-habis baru panggil waiter untuk order, save masa waiter tu and senang sikit orang lain nak order.
3. Walaupun orang tu tak setaraf ngan kita ingatlah yang diorang tu pon manusia n perlu d hormati. Hidup kita ni bukan setakat aku, kau dan dia je tetapi ada gak mereka. Lagi satu janganlah hina orang kalau diorang tak cantik dan sebagainya sebab benda ni pon berlaku n dari mulut artis hinaan ni dikeluarkan secara lantang. Malu tak kita kalau orang jatuhkan kita sebegitu? secantik manapun kita, sekaya manapun kita we must always remember that there are other people who are waaaaaaayyyyy better than who we are. kalau orang cakap artis eg. Neelofa cantik, Scarlet Johanson pon lagi hot n cantik apa? mantap lagi tu. kalau orang cakap Khairi Jamaludin kaya, aku rasa Steve Jobs jauh lebih kaya dari dia kot? masing-masing ada kelebihan n kekurangan sendiri. jadi, janganlah hina orang maybe orang tu guard or maybe kerja kerani tapi kita taktau apa yang akan jadi kat dia nanti, rezeki dan takdir semua di tangan tuhan, manalah tahu tuhan takdirkan dia jadi billionaire tak melopong lak nanti tengok? kan?

Situation 3(last):

Benda ni jadi kat orang yang aku kenal, dan kesahihan cerita ni aku rasa sangat sahih sebab setakat ni dia tak pernahlah tipu aku lagi. So dia g kedai makan ngan kawan dia, makan punya makan dah habislah so lepak-lepaklah kejap. Bila datang time bayar sorang g lah bayar yang  kawan aku ni nak g ambik kereta sebab jauh nak tunggu depanlah kan senang. Baru nak gerak g kereta waiter kedai tu boleh lak tempik "woi! tak bayar! tak bayar! tak bayar!" semua orang dah usha kawan aku ni, kawan aku yag geram ni teros are bagi flying kick yang penuh berbisa kat waiter tu (geram punya pasal!) jatuhlah seorang waiter ngan sakitnya, member kawan aku ni pon datang ngan marah tunjuk resit kat waiter tu, "dah bayarlah!" sambil mamaki-maki n ceramah kat waiter tu.

Moral of story:

1. Cek dululah kan apa-apa pon jangan main tuduh je orang, kalau orang tu tak buat kan malu.
2. disesbabkan benda tu kawan aku pon dah tak g ke kedai tu sebab malu.
3. orang lain dah salah sangka kat kawan aku kan susah?

Oleh itu.. Dont disrespect people, kadang-kadang kita ni lupa yang orang lain pon ada perasaan jugak disebabkan terbuai ngan rasa seronok dan riak diri sendiri.

Respect, Relax n Respond. hehehe..


Ave Whitlock

Dont Think, Just Click!

Salam kepada kekawanku.. hari ni kita nak berbicara tentang security kat laman sesawang(bak kata orang putih tu World Wide Weblah kan?) kay, of course semua orang ada Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, Instagram,  Tumblr ect. tapi adakah privacy n keselamatan kita terjamin? niaaaahhhh haaaa... inilah dia. A lot of us have set our facebook pages n twitter pages private (cerita pasal the main two sudahlah kan?), but still adakah betol ianya private? jeng..jeng..jeng.. without actually noticing we have been allowing unknown people into our facebook n twitter pages. how u may ask? by approving without actually knowing that person. If you really need to approve unknown people for work purpose please create a page which does not mix up with your private life. Eg. a lecturer making a page for teaching use where the students could add to ask questions ect. and having a private facebook for private use. Isnt it bothering to always see newsfeeds by unknown people or unwanted people or people that are just friends to friends? face it! berapa ramai orang dalam friend list korang yang korang approve hanya kerana ada mutual friends yang ramai, padahal TAK KENAL PON! hah.. kan? "eh normallah tu", tahu tak korang especially girls yang gambar korang banyak dicuri tanpa korang tahu? a lot of pictures di ambil melalui kaedah paling simple n of course orang bodoh pon tahu buat iaitu right click n save image as, or just simple copy n paste, people could manipulate the pictures for their own use n kalau guna untuk benda baik-baik takpalah kan? but what about using it for the wrong purposes, haaaa.. kan? ramai yang dah terkena disebabkan PHD!(perasaan hasad dengki) lelaki pon ada yang terkena tau? jangan tak tau. kalau perempuan usually they would super impose the pics into nude n sexy pic's ect. tetapi lelaki ni selalunya terkena ngan facebook, twitter or blog fake yang menggunakan nama n picture lelaki tersebut n post dia semestinyalah terbaik kan? they would post unwanted n pornographic stuff just to make it seem like your that type of guy! indeed your close friends would not believe all these kan? because they know who you are, but what about orang yang tak kenal korang?? n macam mana pulak if your parents find out? they would be damn ashamed for real! so... janganlah main approve je tau? other than that, terdapat ramai orang yang suka stalk n are using their friends facebook to stalk people, jangan tak tau! they would read your posts n stuff n might use that against u! yelah bukan susah nak print screen kan? n this could also jatuhkan korang d masa depan kelak. perempuan lak, an unknown hot guy following you, do you honestly think its him? if it is then kudos to you my friend cause u might be that gorgeous.. but what if that isnt the real him? he's someone totally different? He knows every single thing about you, n you chat with the guy once in a while n BOOOM!!! get raped or probably killed or kena tipu duit! So please if you set your stuff to private keep it private, if you dont mind weird n unwanted guests into your facebook go ahead dont think, just click! by doing so, its the same as opening the door of your house n inviting in thieves, psycho killers or even just a stalker. Its not my problem if something bad happens but still, dont be such a retard. We are educated people and understand the meaning of privacy. Restriction is vital and not everyone could be trusted, i know i sound like a guy who's going to war but its common sense. Its better to be paranoid than annoyed or just plain idiotic. So dont just click, but think then click!

Think and click,


Ave Whitlock.

Merajuk ah!

Benci google n internet cause all that i composed got lost! ergh! :'( nite

Change

Do you sometimes feel like everyone around you are just constantly changing while your still standing in one place not moving, not changing, not even trying to follow them. It all seemed strange to me how sometimes without realization "they" have changed and without realizing that we too are changing, but we still feel that we have not taken that step. I know, I'm trying to explain something that sounds illogical but don't tell me you have felt this way before?. Okay straight to the story then, today I had the chance to hang out with a few of my old friends and catch up with all that we have missed while we were apart. It bugs me to see that we've grown more mature and talk seriously sometimes about certain subjects that it makes me feel like I'm an old hag or something. On the other hand it brings joy to me to have found out that most of the people I used to know have now gotten married and are living pretty well. We kept laughing and laughing as we reminisce about our past and how it all looks so funny when it all looked so serious before and while that was happening we also realized   why our mothers used to worry about us girls anyway back to the main point, we are simply changing. Even as we try everyday of our lives not to change who we are, we are just simply changing. The nature of a human is to have friends and we act differently with different friends, and these characters that we developed are the people we are. We tend to be funny with certain people and are looked as the joker of the group because they get what we are saying while the other sees us as the quiet one cause we just don't know what to talk about and feel like we don't fit in. We change our dressing as we grow up following a trend that we ourselves don't realize, we used to wear ripped jeans and skull designed shirts with messy cropped hair because of our rock interest to changing into a more modest, feminine like person because we hang out with more mature people and people who are nice people (not that I'm saying my friends from the pass aren't nice). So my point is that some people claim to not changing who they are and sticking to what they believe in but actually, the truth is they are in denial. These people do not have the strength to change and show that they have changed and evolved into a better person, they label people with names such as "posers", "bimbos", "berlagak alim" and stuff like that when really they are just jealous of what they themselves are afraid to do. This is simply my observation, and when I see my friends changing it doesn't bother me at all actually, the change for the better has to be done. Me, I feel like haven't changed but when I looked back at my history I am proud to say that I have come a long way from being the naive girl from next door to a more independent girl(well in the making). People around me have made me stronger and have made me weak at some point of time before, people used to step all over me and I am not going to let that happen before. This is my change and hopefully we could all change for the better, it would make me happy to see people making fresh starts in their lives. That is all for now I guess? Till the next time.

Sincerely writing,


Ave Whitlock.

The I'm So Tired I've done Trying Period.

Have you ever felt like your whole damn life events are just constantly being dragged into a huge black hole of disaster? Yeah, that's exactly how i feel right now, well not just right now but since a few months before. It all started when my late cousin Kak Rose passed away. Ever since that event, anything and everything i do felt like it gave no sense. My heart felt like it was empty, and i just wanted to go away. Somewhere where the only person who knows you is your cell. My heart crushed when i went to visit her at the hospital just days before she passed on, and I couldn't stop my tears from falling when i looked at her pained face (eventhough she was in a coma, the nurses said she could still feel the pain). When i went home, something inside of me said that, that would be the last time I'll ever see her again and days later god proven that my feeling were right. When I discovered that she was gone, I felt an emptiness in me like whatever I'm doing now made no sense. I skipped classes, and when I even go to any I find myself occupying my self by talking, I'm always the one who tries to answer questions, making a havoc, ect. But I realized that i was just trying to keep myself from thinking. I tried to force myself not to think of anything, because anything that I realize when I ponder leads me to think that I'm wasting my time, I wanted to run.

I used to quote a saying "I will hide the part of me that cries and screams", well i guess that's what I'm doing right now. College seemed like the right path when I was eighteen, but now I feel like "this" isn't worth my time and money. The path I am in right now, looked like it was heading for a dead end. The choices I have made, and the people that I've met just made it hard for me to turn back and choose another. These people stood by me and made me reassure myself that everything is okay, but to my realization nothing is ever gonna be okay. No one can tell me that my life would run perfectly, and no one could tell me that society would not judge. I sometimes find my self looking in the mirror, trying to find something or anything that would make me any different than others. People find me friendly when really I just wanted to be quiet. Why is it that I live the way others look at me? I've always known one thing for sure, i was a really good dancer and i've always have been one. But I've chosen a different path, and the path that I am on restricts me from doing what I do best. Sometimes people say I move like a dancer, when I'm going to sit, get up, ect. I move with grace. But what am I to do of something that I would never be, again I ponder have I chosen the right path for me.

Back to the original story, after my cousin passed away, I started to skip classes. I see people doing things that they are passionate about and succeed, what about me then? will I ever get the same success doing something that I myself am not sure that it is my passion? I know I can create stories, I can shoot, I can edit them, but deep down inside I just love to question myself. I try not to think but who are we to try to stop our selves to think? the only way to stop thinking is by killing the brain a.k.a. DIE! which is not one of my choices right now. I've been barred, I've failed a subject that I already finished doing but did not send. I just need a break so i've decided to take a leave from all that to just differ my semester and work. To buy me time to think and so on. My mother asked me if I wanted to get married or do I want to continue my degree overseas which is something that I've always wanted, but to make a decision right now is like trying to choose between your mom and dad. Impossible! So right now the only choice I make is to stay away for awhile and think, hopefully it is a good one.

Sorry that this post is oh soooooo looooong... I just needed to blabber as always, I write my mind so this is what happens anything and everthing that comes to mind would be directly transfered to the key pads and so into this post. Hopefully you readers (do I have any?) would not face these things. Its like being stuck in the middle of a thunderstorm without shelter just waiting for it to stop. I pray to god that this would all end soon, Insyallah and thank god I have my hubby to help me go through all this. Until the next post.



Sincerely,


Ave Whitlock.

kata-kata dan erti

Ada satu kata dalam hati,

mencari apa itu satu erti,

erti dalam rasa,kata-kata dalam jiwa dan yang tersirat dalam kata.

adakah sama rasa kita semua, atau adakah ia berbeza dan hanya aku dan dia tahu?

apa erti rasa kita? dia dan aku?

apa erti kata-kata dia kepadaku dan kepada kamu,

adakah sama sepertimana rasa itu semasa dikatakan padamu seperti dikatakan padaku?

adakah kata padamu palsu atau aku?

apa? dan yang mana?

kalau ini benar aku ingin buktinya.

tapi mana?

aku ingin mencari tapi di mana?

pada diakah? adakah aku mampu untuk percaya kata-kata yang ertinya aku sendiri tak pasti.

aku buntu dan malu serta takut pada kata-kata.

jika palsu kemana ingin aku mengadu? kepada siapa ingin kupastikan yang ia palsu?

kata-kata yang ertinya perlu aku tahu.

aku mencari dan cuba memahami satu kata dalam hati iaitu kata hati dia dan kata hati kamu,

demi mengerti satu kata hati dalam diri aku.

Self written with love,

Ave Whitlock.

The "Hi, I'm a bitch but you dont know it yet" act.

Have you ever experience the feeling where you meet someone new and at the exact moment you look or hear this persons voice its like OMG! this guy/girl is a f*ckin' bitch!? I bet everyone of us have experience this particular situation. But what if you dont even know this person, and your just like browsing over facebook and you saw this persons profile picture and you feel this disgust feeling in your stomach like "eh? sumpah minah ni macam perasan hot siot" or "ek elaaahhh... mamat ni macam best sangat je" or something similar. I usually think in English so what would go through my mind would usually sound like this "omg! you honestly think your hot?" okay i dont want to sound bitchy or macam tak puas hati, but sometimes when i browse through facebook or maybe through some other websites this happens. Honestly when I look back at all those things after getting to know these people sometimes macam alamak menyesal sangat aku pikir macam tu, but almost all the other times would be "Yup, dah agak dah. This girls a bitch". so aku tak taulah pendapat masing-masing right? but i find this really common, and it happened to me too. There's this one time where a girl from another class in my school without any soul purpose or reason hated me! and i dont even know this girl, but eventually we became friends. So i thought yeah, i might not be the only one feeling this because some  other person had felt that about me. I guess our first impression differ kan? Hurm.. sorry post ni macam takda  purpose macam saja-saja nak lepas geram sebab dah lama tak menulis kan? so here it is. Luahan perasaan mak, sebab lately this thing is happening again, and rasa bersalah because i dont even know this girl. what if she's such an angel that i just want to cuddle her? hehe.. okay itu dah lebih kan? Till Next Time.

Yours Sincerely,

Ave The Strange.

The "awkward" Moments

Remember those times when something awkward would happen, and you would react in a way that sometimes give away your awkwardness?? now lets celebrate by looking back at all those awkwardness.. here's some of mine. oh good..

1. That awkward moment in school where you spaced out and the teacher asks you something and all eyes are on you, and the first thing that comes to mind is "aaaaaaa....." (then of course comes the punishment, ouch!)

2. That awkward moment at a very special date when everything was all sweet and romantic and everything was so perfect then suddenly... "pooooffff" you farted. uh! (and he was a crush too)

3.That awkward moment when you walked into a room of people (the crush is there too) and everyone suddenly went quite. you rushed to sit down beside your friend then realized you forgot to zip your pants.

4.That awkward moment when your voice is the only one heard in your class cause everyone else is quite.

5. When you met someone you know, but forgot the name and you go like hey! hows it going and so.. trying to act like you know em' and they go "you dont remember me do you?". damn!

6. Your calling out to the person in front of you thinking it was your friend and grabbed them by the shoulder only to realize oh sh*t! its the wrong person.

7. Your wrote up something sweet to text to your boyfriend and mistakenly sent it to your mom, and your mom replies "gotcha!". that was the worst yet. =_="

so those are some of my awkward moments from the past that i could remember and they effected me deeply, i now check each time i'm text someone and i always do rechecks before going out of a fitting room or toilet to make sure that everything is nice and secured (you know what i mean). So thats all for today kids.
Signing off.

Your Sincerely,

Ave Whitlock

I Need Some Time Alone

Does time heal?
or does time manipulate your thoughts with crap?